On Being a Male in the 21st Century

This is an article or essay that I wrote a month or two back and posted on a couple message boards. I'm proud to call it my own and have decided to make it my 1st post.

"I've been meaning to type out something like this for a while. I know I'm just another male on this site (dominated by males) but I feel that I've come to recognize things during the last year that are remarkable (which is why I'm making remaks about them). Read if you want or not, believe what I say or not but either way I'm still typing this out.
BTW the main subjects in this long essay are going to be ethics/morals and integrity, self-esteem/confidence, and, of course, the male-female dynamic (I'll try to keep the essay clean for the younger members and so the mods don't constantly have to keep an eye on the thread).

As many of you know during the last semester I spent my time abroad in Australia. The trip was amazing and strangely enough while I loved Australia it also gave me a new profound love for the United States. Our nation is one that has really streamlined production to satisfy the customers and you don't really appreciate it until you go somewhere that either doesn't *quite* have as good customer satisfaction or, of course, you go to some piss poor country that has next to nothing. Sure we have our problems but so does every other country. An even more curious thing I realized by travelling abroad and meeting tons of other travellers (mostly European and New Zealanders, aside from the obvious Australian inhabitants) is that people all seem to be the same. Sure culture is different here and there but that is dependent upon history and geography, etc. PEOPLE ARE ALL EERILY SIMILAR TO EACH OTHER. The things you and I worry about or love are the same things the French, German, English, South African people (and so on) worry about or love and while it might be seen as "boring" by some... it is awesome that strangers from across the globe can meet each other and learn to love and trust each other.

So people are all the same wherever you go on the globe. There can be extreme culture differences but don't think you wouldn't act like a type of people acts if you were in their shoes. There have been some interesting studies done recently that show even our morals, ethics, and beliefs are a lot more pre-determined by genetics than you would think they are. A Muslim born in Palestine may have it drummed into his head that innocent Isrealites are evil, and vice versa, but only after years of brainwashing and even then I don't doubt that deep down they know what is acceptable behavior or not.

So what do you guys believe in? If you don't think building a "platform" for your views on what is "right" and "wrong" then I believe you are sorely mistaken. Moral relativity has made a large stint in the last decade or so but don't for a second think that it makes your opinion on any given serious subject any less important.
A while ago (about a year ago) I recommended a book entitled "High Status Male" on this website and while I'm sure some took a look at it, it was a book that opened my eyes to a person's ethics and exactly what kind of profound effect it has on a person's mental health. It was only after listening to a long audiobook entitled "The Science of Self Confidence" by Stephen Covey that I realized how incredibly tied together a person's morals and their self-esteem are. This audiobook basically made the not-so-bold statement that a person's self-esteem is primarily dictated by what they believe to be right or wrong and their ability to act according to those beliefs. Most people only think about their view on a subject when that subject comes up and in a way I sort of resent that. You are given a brain so use it.

The audiobook listed some very basic activities that will help you figure out what is really important to you in life. For instance you could create a list of things that you feel are important in your life (ie family, friends, relationships, careers, health, etc) and prioritize them from most important to least important. There is no way of skimming through this as these are the things that you think count most in life, so sleep on it if you have to. Once you've prioritized then their only remains one thing to do... ACT ACCORDINGLY.

It is an amazing thing. You start acting according to your own code of ethics and you will very quickly start to realize how much better you feel about yourself and the decisions you've made. When you have no shame for things you've done, you then become PROUD in the most genuine sense. But one thing you will notice is that if you haven't though all your list of ethics through, and you are noticing contradiction within your views, that it is up to you to think with that brain of yours to edit that original list.

When you've found that your list is (nearly) perfect, without contradictions, and you've been acting accordingly then you will have something that most people will never achieve in their lifetime. A true sense of INTEGRITY. Your ethics are integrated such that they work together and your actions have showed that these ethics have been integrated into your everyday life. As I said earlier you will realize that you no longer have to be ashamed of the things that you do if they comply with your list, as you believe all those actions to be justified.

Congratulations, you have integrity and your self-esteem is increasing. So what? Well first off your satisfaction with yourself is one of the largest factors when it comes to happiness. Without being embarrased of yourself, you will notice a funny thing start to happen...
WOMEN WILL START TO GRAVITATE TOWARD YOU.

I should also add, as a sidenote, that studies have shown one of the traits that most positively correlates with happiness is FORGIVENESS. Remember this when you make your list because your ability to accept other people as they are, and yet still let them know when they are in the wrong, is one of the most humane things you can do and it will make both you and those you meet a lot happier. It will also garner respect for you.

Back on topic: So what to do with these girls who are attracted to you? Well, for starters you can get rid of any notion that sex is a "dirty" thing that one should be shameful of (in fact just throw this one in your list) and realize that the ability for two strangers to meet and eventually open up to each other in the most vulnerable state two humans can be in... and trust each other... that is one of the most beautiful things that can happen in one's lifetime.

Think about it. There are 6 billion+ people on the planet and no matter who you are you will not get intimate with all the women and you will not get the chance to befriend and trust everyone. If you live in an average city then you probably walk by hundreds or thousands of people every day. Think about how many you make eye contact with? Not really that many. How many do you ever meet? Even less. What portion of those people will you ever touch, whether it be a handshake, a hug, or or whatever? Hardly any. Now what portion of people that you come into contact with will you ever fully trust and be willing to open up without any shame and just enjoy yourself with them? (I'm talking unshameful sex in its pureest form). Practically none, and this, if for no other reason, is why sexual relations with another human being is an awesome, exceptional, and sacred thing.

You are a man. Once you hit puberty you are a sexual being as is everyone else and your ability to accept, and especially *embrace*, your sexuality (regardless of what it is) will make you a happier person. Our society is one where pop culture has been given too much significance and has been crippling both sexes for the last century or so. Every week another movie comes out about the awkward dorky guy who is so cute that he scores the really hot chick. Well guess what, while in a nation full of men with low self-esteem who think themselves to be dorky you will find that these sorts of movies will appeal to a very large audience's pathetic fantasy and make tons of money. They are made like this because they SELL, not because they are realistic. Your dream women are probably not going to come up to you out of the blue and talk to you, they are probably not going to keep talking to you when you are stumbling over your words and awkward, and they are hardly ever going to make the first sexual move on you. Even if they do, the fact that you didn't make the first move will decrease their respect for you.

You see women are a gender that is much more driven by emotions than men. You know we have these "what should I do? I don't get it" threads about females on her because females give more weight to emotion than men do. Men are more logical about things but this is not to say that women are dumber. In any social interaction a normal female will be able to read subtle signs here and there and learn a lot more about you than perhaps you even know. It is engraved into their DNA and is one of the reasons why, in my opinion, overall women may be more powerful than men in this world.

When dealing with women you should keep this in mind because when you start to toy with their emotions, that's the point where things become very serious for them. It's almost to a point where it is masochistic in the sense that a man who has a woman interested in him and who hurts her feelings will often find that woman even more attracted to him. While nobody consciously wants their feelings hurt, you will find that females enjoy the rollercoaster ride more than you and I do. The "ups" are a lot more enjoyable when they come with the "downs".

So who are you? Are you going to be an IMPOTENT kid or a VIRILE man of action? A man who makes his sex life happen is a lot more attractive than one who does not. How does a woman mark a man as a potential lover? One of the first things she does is physically size him up... how old does he look? Is he in-shape and healthy? Do other women hang on to him all the time? Well an adult man who is healthy and has women hanging all over him is WITHOUT A DOUBT a man who is POTENT and thus a potential candidate as a lover. A woman has no reason to be attracted to a man who is not sexual because it is unlikely that she will get ay results from that attraction. So the bottom line is DO NOT BE ASHAMED OF YOUR SEXUALITY. The awkward shy kid who isn't willing to put his shyness away and follow his drive for that the girl is ultimately saying that he doesn't want to get physical.

When it comes to the man-woman dynamic you will notice that people usually say the man should take the lead. This is more than convention, it is reality and SHOULD BE what both the man and woman want. A woman does not want to have a man who is fickle and can't make decisions, that is why we call these men "impotent". She doesn't WANT to have to make the decision, she wants the man to prove that he knows what should be happening and is willing to express it in the form of action. A man who doesn't quite know what he wants is a man who doesn't want it badly enough.
So as a guideline don't expect the woman to come over and talk to you first, don't expect her to call you if you give her your phone number (sack up and ask for hers and make the call), and she's probably not going to go in for the first kiss unless you've really waited way too long to initiate it.

When a man realizes that he knows what is wrong and right, and that the way nature made him is acceptable, he realizes that the only person who can crush his mentality is himself. A man with nothing to hide and who values himself doesn't feel awful when a girl rejects him but instead feels pity that she's missing out. When someone intentionally tries to make him feel bad he has nothing but pity for the person with those destructive traits because he realizes that their actions are not even respectable enough to get a rise out of him. He has nothing to prove and will forgive others for their shortcomings.

Guys, if you know the difference between right and wrong and act accordingly then you will find that you have nothing to prove. You will no longer seek validation from anyone but yourself, and realize that good looks, big muscles, or great fighting abilities do not make you a valuable person alone. It is the hard work that goes into pumping the weight all year or the hard work put into training as a fighter that makes you more valuable. It's okay to want second opinions on yourself and receive them with unbiased understanding BUT our society has gone too far and now everyone just wants someone else to tell them that what they are doing is good and right. This has become a problem because people now feel that if they are not validated by others then they have no value.

Thanks for reading all the way through and sorry if I often got sidetracked or too sentimentalist for you. Just remember that happiness in life originates with acceptance of one's self and subsequently those around you. If you live your life in a way that harbors no shame then you will have nothing but happiness to feel and those around you will also become happier people. You are only given one life that we know of so you only have those 80 years to make things happen that you want to happen. If you feel you have a shortcoming then it is up to you to fix it without delay, the responsibility rests on no one's shoulders than yours. Next time you are hanging out with that girl, shifty-eyed (damn it us males need to work on the eye contact a lot more) and nervous, remember that this girl can not harm you and that she wants nothing more than to have a man accept her trust and not violate it."